Today has been good I think. In a low key way. But low key is what I need right now.
Last week was not good, I felt under huge presure and I was not up to dealing with it. I couldn’t look at my phone or emails, the thought of having to deal with something, of even knowing what should be on my to do list, seemed too much to bear. My poor husband looked wrung out from trying to hold it all together. And that left us both with little time or energy to communicate properly with each other.
But now I’m on the exhale after the big hold of breath. Disaster hasn’t happened. The cogs are turning again. I’m slowly starting to get on top of things, from housework to listening to some answerphone messages. Plus I’m sure I have more patience with the kids.
So what changed? I’m not entirely sure, but I think I started to face up to the problem I have, to acknowledge it. And I decided that maybe I should go back to the Dr, before there were two ill adults in our household. But first I started to do some homework, order some books he’d suggested reading, and another one whilst I was at it, and look at some blogs, and start a blog. Oh and talk to husband properly (boy did that leave me feeling tired emotionally.
And guess what, admitting there was a problem, discussing it and starting to deal with it has helped. Which made it easier to tackle some of the things I was avoiding because I couldn’t do them. And they turned out not to be so terrible after all. Which gave me confidence to do a little more. All pretty predictable, but it’s getting to there from the frozen up anxious state that’s so hard.
So, this week things are a little better. And that is where I am right now.