When your problems permeate your life.

When I’m sitting in bed, reading and I glance at my husband who is laid down next to me starting to drift off to sleep and I reach over and squeeze his shoulder in a friendly gesture I feel happy and comforted.

When he then rouses himself to check I’m ok, worried that I am reaching out to him as I feel stressed, the bubble is burst and I feel upset and cross. Upset that the moment is spoilt, cross that my anxiety should not only give me bad times, but cast a shadow over my good times too.

 

I want rid of these horrid emotions and all the trouble they cause. I want my brain back. I want to be able to think straight about things.  I want to believe what I know to be true. I want to get on with my life.  I want to be me again.  I want to stop twisting myself in agonising knots, making problems by avoid things that weren’t a problem in the first place. 

Now I am not cross, just sad.  Feeling sorry for myself, for my family, for all the wasted time and emotion.  And just a little lost.

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2 thoughts on “When your problems permeate your life.

  1. Me too. Am off antids, first two days good, today not so much, was on very shaky ground for a few hours. seems to have passed. Will have to be really careful for the next few days. Hope you’re ok

    • I was annoyed last night when it happened and decided to write it down today as I was still mulling it over and when I did it made me quite teary, which I was surprised at (not sure why I was surprised). But I think just allowing myself to sit quietly alone in the house being upset for 5 mins was actually good for me, having the emotion rather than ignoring it and pretending it wasn’t there. Afterwards I felt better. So generally I am ok now, thanks, but there are a couple of things I need to do that I havent yet that are starting to LOOM so I need to bite the bullet.

      I really hope you have a quiet weekend (well, as quiet as it can be with kids) with lots of dog walking and cuddles and warm fires and hot chocolate and cake and get chance to recharge your batteries before next week. Your posts suggest the tapering this time is going better than last time, so I hope that continues.

      Thanks for stopping by.

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