Ever had one of those weekends where you’re running around in circles being busy, the whole house is a mess at the end of it but looking back you’re not quite sure what you’ve done?
Here in the UK we’ve just had our second bank holiday (and hence 3 day) weekend in May (which is why I’m writing this Monday night). And I feel like I’ve been juggling with jelly(jello) – it’s hard work and messy but I’ve nothing to show for it.
Friday evening started with a big tidy up needed after having electricians in the house for 2 days. Unfortunately what we got instead was a big meltdown from the boy (which I’m ascribing to end of half term tiredness as I can’t figure what else was really behind it). Whilst I remained calm at the time (I’m pretty sure I did all the right things, it’s just that sometimes that isn’t enough) after the kids were in bed I felt like I’d been hit by a sledgehammer and went out for a walk and came back with restorative chocolate pudding. So, first evening of weekend – not much acheived for great emotional output.
Saturday hubby was out all day doing his favourite hobby- leaving me trying to get one very excited boy ready to go off camping and to stop one feeling-left-out-of-it girl from sabotaging all our efforts at getting ready. Then we spent a couple of hours taking him to camp and helping him put up a tent. By the end of which we were both exhausted so I read her lots of stories hoping that she’d nap – ha. She generally rolled around on top of me and covered me in brusies. Then hubby came home and we went out past small girls bedtime with some friends of his. So, day 2 of weekend, everyone tired, not much acheived. Again.
Sunday dawned, hubby went out again all day (it’s a long story) and I spent the day out with small girl distracting her from missing her brother (very necessary as she was whining constantly about how much she missed him when not distracted and home seemed to be the worse place for her to remember him). We had a supermarket takeaway for tea (that’s how low my energy levels were, I love cooking normally) and then I had to cuddle a crying girl to sleep (tired girls especially miss their big brothers). When I woke up I dragged myself around to my friend as I’d promise to help her unpack after her housemove (she lives alone with her 2 small children and had moved the day before, I was feeling guilty that I hadn’t helped) and we stayed up far too late catching up on each others news. Once home I couldn’t sleep and stayed up even later reading. Bad habit. So day 3 – everyone tired, not much acheived, and I decide to skip sleep – not the best plan.
So, onto today. Today hubby was out and about more locally and he took small girl with him letting me have a lie in. Which was very kind. I then dashed over to meet them on my bike, had lunch outside a pub (that was really breakfast for me) and dashed back in time to get my lift over to try and extract a very tired muddy boy from a campsite he didn’t want to leave. I managed to get him home and clean before the other two arrived back.
So, this evening, we were all tired in a messy house. I gave the kids sandwiches in front of a film and nearly managed to catch up with hubby, but with all that was going on I hadn’t picked up that he was feeling stressed. Back to work tomorrow for him – big trigger for work related stress, if you’re awake enough to remember. Plus he’s covering extra work for a colleague who’s likely to be off with something unspecified for the next two weeks – which he can’t help but wonder means that he is stressed too. Anyway, I didn’t pick up on the signs and we had a miscommunication which led to me upsetting him and it took me a while before I felt up to trying to mend it.
Finally, after food and emotional stuff with hubby, I was in and awake and felt like tidying. I made a bit of a dent, but then we had a miscommunication over how to handle tired childrens bedtime (I’d forgotten to make allowances for the diminished communication skills of a man feeling rubbish) so more once they were down we had to sort that out.
And then I sat down. Just for a minute, but two hours later I was still there, being neither useful nor getting myself to bed at a sensible time.
I’m aware that this is not the most exciting post ever (more fool you for reading this far) but writing this down has helped me to see that whilst there was a lot of activity this weekend, there wasn’t really any me stuff, there was more me joining in with and facilitating others plans. And there was so much of that it didn’t even leave time for what felt like the basics that needed doing at home to get done.
Now, I should point out that this is a big weekend for hubby’s favourite hobby, we had disussed this in advance and I knew he would be busy. I don’t mind that, he works hard, he puts up with a lot, he does a lot at home too (including his fair share of the little that did get done around the house this weekend) and he deserves some time to himself. But I’m also aware that I don’t have the kind of hobbies that have busy weekends full of stuff to do. So there is this danger that I’m running around helping everyone else get to their fun things and not getting around to doing stuff myself. Which isn’t good for anyone.
I’m also aware that whilst I knew that the electricians were coming and the boy was going away and the man was busy – I hadn’t put them all together and realised quite how much extra work that created and how much less time it left to do it all.
So, tonights conclusions? Hubby and I need to keep working on our communication. And our planning. And maybe I need to schedule in some me time, or at very least some all-of-us-together time.
This is not going to happen next weekend, when we have the wildcard that is my brother visiting. But I am wondering if I can procure a babysitter for a couple of hours this week so that hubby and I can at least go on a date together.