I lost the structure again today, looks like I haven’t been listening to myself.
Anyway, after a morning footling around, waiting for a shop to open and chatting with a friend on a street corner for far too long and then finding out the shop didn’t have what I needed and then going into town and then the second shop didn’t have what I needed either, but the third shop did, and stopping off on the way home to get something, and realising on of the things I had bought (a bike lock) didn’t work properly and that I hadn’t had breakfast, and treating myself to a nice pasty in an attempt to do the right thing (rather than get all wobbly from lack of food), but pasty turned out not to be that nice (although I ate it anyway), and going back and getting my bike lock changed (which of course worked just find for the young man in the shop, so even though he let me trade it up for a different sort him and his colleague clearly thought me a little odd (Bitchface would say they thought I was Demented Middle Age Woman, but I’m trying not to jump too far in my conclusions)) and then deciding what I really needed was a coffee, so going to a cafe (even though I’m trying to cut down on cafe visits because they really don’t help either) but then the coffee didn’t taste as nice as I remembered and the cafe left me feeling a bit down and then cycling home and then it hit me.
Well, actually nothing hit me, that’s too dramatic. It left me. I felt like I had a slow puncture and I just realised that all the air had gone out of me and it was hard work to move. My oomphh had gone. I was deflated. I looked the same on the outside but the inside was missing. And I felt tired, overwhelmingly tired. Hmm, I’m not sure I’m quite describing this right. You see, it was more than just feeling a bit tired, but less than a crisis. I just wanted to hide under the duvet from the world. (Hmm, my sleep hasn’t been great this week, don’t think that can have helped).
So, today’s attempt at keeping going involved – remembering a great video about washing up helping your mental wellbeing (from the excellent Jonny Benjamin, which I irritatingly can’t find, but here’s another one of his), realising there was hardly any washing up to do, putting a wash on instead, filling a litre bottle of water (it’s humid – I figured that wasn’t helping and I never< drink enough), making a berry and yoghurt smoothie (as I thought I should have something healthy and not eating properly affects my mood, but after a pasty and then a croissant I wasn't actually that hungry) and then sitting in bed, drinking watching lots of Jonny Benjamin video's, many of which made me cry (I seem to be feeling quite emotional).
But after an hour or so of that I realise that I am feeling a lot better than I was. Less tired and deflated, although not exactly oomph filled. So, I'm going to hang out the washing and cook tea, as the kids are going out after tea and hubby is working late so it will really help to get that sorted now so I don't have to rush around trying to get it sorted quickly post school.
Right, I have a plan (and I've written a messy blog post), now to put it into action. Bye.