Why stressful things are like buses.

Dear Life,

Please could you arrange to spread my stressors out so that I just have one at a time? It would be most helpful.

Take yesterday for instance. I started of finally dealing with my emails that I was about to finally deal with last week before I got ill. By this time I was in a bit of a state about them and had to write down my internal dialogue before I could open them

There are emails for me. I have not read them. I’m anxious about letting people down. I’m ashamed I haven’t done things that should’ve been done. I do intend to open them at some point.. The longer I leave it, the worse it gets. The more I may be letting people down. Why not open them now and find out the scale of the problem. The people who sent them won’t knowm I’ve read them today (if there was a read request I could decline it or not open that email). They probably already think I’ve read them. Go on. What have you got to lose. The dread?

Well, I didn’t deal with all my inbox (with it’s 150+ unread items) but I did do some. I opened lots of emails that looked scary and weren’t – that I didn’t need to do anything about. I was getting restless/fidgety (in an uncomfortable kind of way) so I found an invoice I knew was there and sorted that out and paid it and emailed them. I went out because it was making me a bit agitated. I managed one more when I got back. Not so bad.

See, after that, I needed time to regroup and recover (Bitchface has asked me to point out at this point that’s it’s ridiculous for a grown woman to need time off after reading a few emails). And I did a bit. But then I had to get ready to go and talk to the Boy’s class teacher and the school Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator (Senco), and hubby was late so I had to do most of it on my own.

I think it went ok. The teacher does actually seem to be trying different things. And I think they get the point that having him sit for hours in front of the same piece of paper not doing any work is not really very effective. And we agreed his maths was different than his writing and that we feel it is appropriate to keep him in if he hasn’t done that, but that for the English he seems to need more support, that the teacher doesn’t seem to have time to give. The Senco had a couple of idea’s (such as speech to text program). So I think we’ll have to see what comes of that. I think the outcome of the assessment in half term may determine what happens next. Eek.

So, that is enough for one day, surely? Then we had the meltdown, of the boy, full on screaming and shouting and accusing us of making him feel horrible and just generally being a snotty ball of frustration, fury and upset. We managed calm quite well, I’m quite proud. But dinner was late and there wasn’t time for pudding (cue more shouting and accusations) and bedtime was late.

All in all I was happy to go and babysit for my friend for an hour as arranged. Which went ok. So I nearly ended the day ok but then I came back to Hubby feeling rubbish. He has caught my aversion to phone calls but in his case it relates specifically to his parents and they’d phoned while he was out. He’d not answered the phone and was in a state like I get to. So then I had to try and deal with that. And then I had to wind down before bed so now I’ve had a really late bedtime.

So, Life, I think I’m due a calm couple of days now and next week can you arrange these things singly.

Thanks so much.

Me

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