Back to Life (?)

I realised something Monday evening as I was going to bed. I had forgotten to write down when the plumber was coming on the calender when I booked the appointment about 10 days earlier. But I had remembered it. I knew the date and remembered it.

So, what’s the big deal? Back at the beginning of the summer when I tried a couple of counseling sessions the counselor asked if I was having trouble remembering things. It hadn’t struck me until she asked. I was having trouble remembering appointments etc and forgetting them and that in turn added into my stress/anxiety/guilt loop. So, not only was my memory shot to pieces but I hadn’t linked the individual incidents up and realised that and I was a long way off making the leap to the fact that this might be a symptom of the stress in my life and the fact that my brain wasn’t coping all that well.

Over the summer I started carrying around a little notebook with to do lists in to help with this problem. It’s fallen out of use lately. BUT I REMEMBERED THE PLUMBER. It’s such a great sign for me (and Bitchface is really disgusted that I’m so pleased about something that just highlights my patheticness but we’ll ignore her). Not only am I remembering things but I know the date.

This week I’ve been making a dent on sorting out the housework. I’m nowhere near done (and never will be) and there are still trickier things lurking on my to list that I’m not up to facing up to, but I’ve been cleaning out kitchen cupboards and parts of the house are actually looking clean and tidy. Compared to a few months ago when it took all my effort to get the washing up done and cook in a day (which is pretty poor going for someone with no paid employment and 2 kids at school for several hours each day). I’m thinking about sending Christmas cards (none were sent for the last 2 years) and I’ve bought some presents for my (grown up) nieces and nephews – who were left out / sent something lame late for the last couple of years.

I’m thinking, very carefully, very quietly, without wishing to count my chickens before they’ve hatched or break the spell or anything, that I’m starting to, I don’t know wake up / get “back to normal” / get better?

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