So, I write my post about behaving appallingly and getting called out on it and feeling ashamed and how I need to change and then I go to noodle about on the internet a bit to calm down so I can sleep (thinking about what a rubbish mum you are is not a good way to get to sleep).
And I see a post a friend has liked on facebook http://www.mindful.org/mindful-voices/on-mental-health/mindfulness-can-quiet-down-the-ahole-voice-in-our-heads. Seems serendipitous, I was being an arsehole. And I know that practising mindfulness is one of the things that might help me. So I read it. It was sensible and appropriate.
The following bit struck me:
“A short STOP practice is all you need to get started:
Take a few deep breaths.
Observe the moment, noticing how your body feels, what emotions you’re feeling and what’s on your mind.
Proceed by asking yourself; what’s most important for me to pay attention to right now?”
I probably should do that right now, but I’m not sure I want to observe my shame any more today. So I think I should do it next time I get cross with the kids, but that is going to be too late, I need to practice. So, maybe I should just try and do it, I dunno, every time I notice myself interacting with the kids, every hour, every time I have to try and get them to do something, every time I remember?
So, a second post minutes after my first post in a month, to help me try and remember. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to read the link about what to do about defusing anger – I clearly need all the help I can get.