So, yesterday, I saw the GP. I did not make my excuses to the receptionist and leave, despite having to wait what felt like an intolerable 15 mins while part of my brain was screaming “run away from here, now”.
And I spoke to my GP, probably rather incoherently, there was a lot of tears and staring at the desk to avoid eye contact. At one point he asked me to stop rubbing my eye so much before I damaged myself. Anyways, I don’t think I explained myself as clearly as I might have liked, but I reckon I got the basis of my message across.
And he talked to me about North Korea and UKIP (establishing my anxiety wasn’t at world events) and leopards in trees (how our brain evolution hasn’t caught up with modern life) and why I should have a woodburner (to get rid of the piles of paper that stress me out). We also talked about the Boy quite a lot. I’m pretty sure we overran my allocated 10 minute slot. Oh and he said he didn’t think I was properly depressed, just having a hard time of things.
And he asked me if he should prescribe me something and I managed to tell him that I hate it when medical professionals ask my opinion on treatment options (if they’re not sure with all their training, how the hell am I supposed to know). So he prescribed me some pills, antidepressents (I read on the packet later, he didn’t call them that), SSRI, to increase my seretonin levels, at a half dose (that is associated with panic attacks according to the leaflet).
So now I’m officially bad enough to try medication. Based on my past thoughts I should be pleased that finally I’m “properly” ill and not just malingering. But actually it’s pretty scary. The leaflet looked pretty scary.
Hubby told me to take a more manly approach. Which it turned out, doesn’t actually mean, Man Up, Stop Whining, Take it. Rather it means, act like a man, don’t read the instructions, don’t think, don’t worry, just do.
So I did.
More on that another time I think. Today I’m about to go and see the counselor again that I saw a couple of times last year.
Seems I was really organised last week. Beginning to wish I’d been a bit more lax.