Just realised that my dentist appointment was 1o minutes ago.I thought it was an hour later than it is.
This is me trying desperately to do something about the overwhelming sense of panic that overwhelmed me. I just felt like screaming and curling up in a ball as realisation dawned.
I think it’s guilt, guilt that I’ve let them down. And it’s paralysing. I know that people must miss appointments all the time, but it just feels like such a big thing right now, I’m catastrophising, my flight instict has well and truly kicked in, I want to go and hide in bed. I know I should phone them, but I can’t. And yet if I don’t, I will find it all the more harder later.
Worse still, I have other things I need to do today. Things that I keep putting off, that I won’t have time for later in the week. I cannot afford to loose a whole day just because I made one mistake.
My eyes are getting moist as I type and and my feet are jiggling (as ridiculous as it sounds a sure sign that I’m anxious).
And yet this is still me feeling better than I was a few minutes ago.
Oh I am so fed up with this, I feel like such a useless excuse for grown up, the one appointment I had today and I messed it up and now I’m in danger of derailing my whole week because of it.
I am so fucking fed up with this anxiety. It’s shit.