Getting Back in the Saddle

So, this cold I had at the end of last week really knocked me for six. I was going to bed at the same time as the kids, sometimes before and sleeping right through, 10 or 11 hours, then spending most of the day noodling on the internet with a nap in the afternoon. Luckily I’m feeling a lot better now, although the remaining cold has gone to my chest.

So today has been a bit odd. You see last week I had a plan and was trying to blitz through stuff, get organised, do some exercise every day and generally get my act together. And then I had to stop for a few days. And then today was back to Monday and kids at school and I didn’t have a plan. I sort of drifted, picked up a few bits at the shops, called in on a friend whose having a slightly rough time of it herself, made some soup, made major inroads on the washing up, spent a little too long on the internet, then another friend called round for a cuppa unexpectedly before school pick up. So, nothing too much to be ashamed of, but also not doing any of the scary (for me at least) things from my to do list at the end of last week that had to get put on one side. And I know me, if I don’t watch it a nice quiet day doing not much will easily turn into a week of having done very little useful and backsliding on housework and then feeling rubbish with myself and avoiding things…..

So now I have to work out how to get back on track. How to pace myself. How to start doing stuff without pushing myself. It’s all about finding that elusive balance again. Which I’m rubbish at. I can feel Bitchface’s anxiety at trying to work out what I should be doing – which I suppose is a start in itself, an acknowledgment of my current frailty.

I’ve just turned down an offer of a run with a friend tomorrow morning, I cycled around the block earlier and that left me short of breath. So maybe that’s part of the answer, maybe I need to forget about the exercise for now and concentrate on the really hard stuff of opening emails and listening to answerphone messages – after all that doesn’t require physical fitness. Except that that’s the really hard stuff, and I find it so much easier if I intersperse it with some endorphin releasing exercise and list ticking housework so that I’m feeling on top of things to give me confidence.

Oh for a personal HR department in my head that could sort me out with a phased return to life plan!

Ugh

One step forward, one step back.

This week I finally listened to and deleted all the answerphone messages (which had been full for a month) and gone swimming, which gave me loads of energy.

And earlier tonight I decided to sort out a box of paperwork.

But now I’m comfort eating icecream, avoiding opening 2 emails (one for the 2nd day), starting to freeze up (not feeling eloquent enough to describe it better than that right now) and starting to feel bad & beat myself up about the lack of anything useful done in the hour since the kids were in bed.

I probably need a rocket / some oomph / a big bouncy dance around blast of music or summat but I don’t actually want one because I just feel like hiding away and wallowing.  Not quite at communication shut down yet but heading in that direction.

 

 

Post posting doodle to illustrate my mood

Post posting doodle to illustrate my mood